We have all seen different sides of ourself show up on different days and in different circumstances. These 'parts' of us are identified by a single characteristic such as strong, stubborn, loyal, hard working, fighter, pacifier, etc.
Each part becomes dominant when it believes our survival or happiness depends on it. The part will run the show and can work alongside or conflict with another part.
When we have two or more parts in conflict, we will often say
"On one hand I want this, but on the other, I want that"
or you might say
"Part of me thinks ............ but part of me thinks ............"
Often these parts can really battle it out, making you feel like you don't know which way to turn. It's a massive drain on your energy and it can go on for decades.
All parts want the same highest good for you.
They just believe their way is the only way that will work, so they take over and clash.
A powerful parts conflict is often between the head and the heart.
You can see how they may battle over something, especially relationships and choices of partner, or you want to throw in the stable job for a dream start up.
Find out which part of your conflict is the 'unwanted' part. It may be the part that's trying to be sensible when the other is trying to have fun, or the part that is wanting to put the brakes on while the other wants to dive into a passionate relationship.
Look at each part and see what they have to say. The way to resolve the conflict is to make a deal with the unwanted part.
1. Identify your parts that conflict.
It may be
"This part wants ...... but that part wants...."
"This part thinks ...... but that part thinks"
2. Now which is the part you'd rather not have? Find out what that part's issue is.
"I want to ....... but"
3. Now what deal can you make with the unwanted part?
It may sound like,
"If you let me...... I will do this in exchange........"
4. Now test it, can you do the thing you want without internal resistance?
I once caught myself being led to do anything other than the thing I was desperate to do, sit down and write some content for my new website. I realised I was having a parts conflict. The conflicting unwanted part was Comfort, as having a good work life balance was exceptionally important to me.
I asked the unwanted part of me; 'Procrastination', what it was afraid of if the Highly Productive part got its way. I saw that it was afraid if I got too busy with something important, I would no longer make time for my animals - a source of massive daily connection and relaxation for me.
As love/connection is a vital human need, 'Procrastination' saw that it was its job to ensure I remained connected and relaxed no matter what. I thanked that part from the heart for looking out for me, and made a deal that no matter how busy I got, I would always make time for my animals because I needed that connection so much.
LESS THAN A second later, my body rose up and went straight to my laptop and I worked continuously for over 4 hours without a break and achieved a major workload. I say it like that because I didn't know where my body was taking me! I was also blown away at the power my unconscious mind had over me. Someone other than my conscious mind was certainly in control, and at that moment we were in unity.
1. Find the parts of you at conflict - Mine was Procrastination (self sabotage) and Productivity
2.What is the fear of the unwanted part? - What is it trying to avoid? Mine was fear of loosing connection to quality me time. It was avoiding me getting too busy with work.
3. What deal can you make with the unwanted part? Mine was that I would make time 5 days a week minimum for my special quality time.
4. See the good intention the unwanted part had, thank it and release it
( Sending it to the angels is a crazy powerful way to remove something you no longer want in your life. )
5. Test that the parts are now integrated and you can do what you wanted.
Parts Conflict with the
6 Negative Emotions
An extremely powerful clearing all negative emotions process can be doing a parts integration with the wanted parts that are opposite to all the negative emotions.
It would go something like this.
1. The unwanted part is ANGER and the wanted part is Being calm / focussed / peaceful for example. (Anger tends to be triggered by a lack of control and insignificance, so it has to come out all guns blazing to try to regain control).
2. Ask the Angry part if it would consider pairing up with wisdom for example to use a far easier approach that would generate much more significance in a powerful benevolent way to both itself and others, by using whatever KEY CONCEPT resonated with it the most?